Protecting the Peace at Home

I recently spoke to an old friend of mine from my military days. His son is an Officer with a police department, and I am so proud of this young man. I remember when he was about 10 years old and told me that he wanted to be a fireman. Since his dad became an officer – and likewise, his godfather – I think he felt the need to follow in our footsteps.

Like his dad, he spent a few years in the Air Force. Then, he began to look for a landing spot where he could put down some roots and join a police department. During the academy, we spoke at least three times a week. He was always asking questions and wondering whether he made a good decision.

I watched him go through the academy, and field training was no problem for this young man. His first assignment was on the graveyard shift, and I was amazed how naturally being a cop came to him. Everything seemed to be falling into place, and it was as though he had been born to do this job.

It seemed like nothing could derail or stop his ascent to great heights. He lived and breathed his job – always staying late and never calling in sick – and he became his sergeant's go-to guy. Fast-forward a year and several commendations later, including glowing reports from his commander, and his dad was thinking the sky is the limit.

His work was impeccable, his reputation was stellar, and his ability was second to none. Our phone calls became less frequent, and when I asked his dad how he was doing, he said, "He is well. I just don't talk to him as much anymore." His dad assumed he was simply burning it up, but I felt a little uneasy.

Since I have known this young man, I cannot remember a time when he was not regularly contacting his dad or me for advice or just to talk. I made it a point to reach out, and after 10 days, he finally returned my call. He apologized and told me he had been really busy. I told him that was OK and asked what was taking up so much of his time. He informed me that he was now in a relationship. I was happy for him, and I advised him to make sure he continued to prioritize his duties and responsibilities.

About a month later, his dad called me. He was upset because his son had gotten into a verbal argument with his girlfriend, and she was threatening to call his commander. I asked what had happened, and apparently, she had gone to a night club with some friends and came home two days later.

I asked whether she was living with him, and his father said yes. His son had told him a month ago that she moved in. Apparently, since entering this relationship, his work performance had begun to slide. According to his dad, he was calling out constantly and had been written up numerous times for being late.

The point of this story is to demonstrate how losing focus and changing your priorities can affect your career. This young man chose to enter a relationship with a young woman who did not have a job and had been kicked out of her parents' home. I warned him, just as I warn our officers, that people may use the fact that you are an officer to threaten your career.

In the past 10 years, I have dealt with numerous officers that have been arrested or lost their careers because of relationships they chose. The solution is plain and simple: Be careful whom you allow into your life, and make sure your significant other is there to support and defend you. If you are constantly arguing and at odds, maybe it is time to reevaluate your choices.

This career is hard enough, and it becomes even more difficult when your support system is not supportive. A wise man once said, "An Officer protects the streets, but their partner at home protects the peace. It is a shared mission."